


Let Me Be Blind

by JeromeSankara



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gay Daryl Dixon, Multi, No Dialogue, No Plot/Plotless, Season/Series 09 Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 06:16:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16759582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeromeSankara/pseuds/JeromeSankara
Summary: Love is fickle and cruel. That is all Daryl can see  now. A glimpse inside his mind and his realizations.Contains spoilers for Season 9





	Let Me Be Blind

**Author's Note:**

> Had to get this down on paper, may delete later but just needed to purge this out. There is no action or plot, only thoughts and emotions. If you aren't prepared to be sad, don't read.

It was that first night he saw them together that he knew. The signs had always been there, Daryl realized that now, but he just… knew.

The way Rick would look at her, the way he would smile at her, the way his eyes would shine… They never did that for Daryl.

And… Daryl wasn't okay with that.

It was selfish and wrong and fucked up, but when he saw Rick and Michonne still trying to pull on clothes, their bodies still so close together, rushing out of the bedroom that must reek of sex, all Daryl wanted to do was scream.

Look at me the way you look at her.

Why won't you look at me?

But the words wouldn't come out. And they still couldn't. Not even when it was all over.

Seeing Michonne wear  _ his _ clothes made him die a little more inside each day. Because Rick would be happy to know that she still loved him, still cared about him, even after six years.

And what had Daryl done? What had he done to make Rick happy? 

Nothing.

All Daryl could feel inside was the pain of knowing that Rick never knew. Maybe worse was if Rick really did know, and just didn't care.

It wasn't Rick's fault he was straight. And it wasn't Rick's fault that Daryl was gay. It wasn't Rick's fault that he was the only man in this God forsaken earth that had showed Daryl kindness, and he latched on like a puppy.

But even through all their fights together, side by side, there was always that little piece inside him that knew Rick would never be his. Even if Rick  _ somehow  _ came back,  _ somehow _ survived, he would never look at Daryl like that.

His eyes would always be on Michonne, and Daryl would just be in the background. Waiting for when Rick would need him again.

But what about Daryl? What about what he needed? Rick couldn't give that to him, and he never would. All he was to Rick was once a brother, then they drifted.

Rick and Michonne moved into that little house together with Judith, the little girl Daryl would die to protect. She didn't remember him, now, because Daryl couldn't stand the way she looked at Michonne. How she was Mom, now. And Daryl was just that weird guy with the bow who sometimes wandered into camp.

Daryl could have been a lot of things. But being Rick's partner just wasn't one of them. It never was nor never will be.

And now Daryl lingered on the edges again, just like in that camp ten years ago. The edge of the group, the outsider. The one who couldn't look anyone in the eye because all he saw was their pity for the man with nothing.

It made him wonder why he didn't end it all. Take the easy way out. No one would miss him, they'd find his body after a couple weeks and maybe put him in a shallow grave if they felt enough pity. But he just…

He couldn't. Because Rick wouldn't want that.

Rick would want him to fight, but what was he fighting for? Another day to check traps and maybe eat, another day to kill another walker, another day to watch the people he saw as family become strangers.

Maybe this was his punishment for loving a man that could never love him back. All Daryl wanted to know was what he had done that was so wrong that he deserved this.

Deserved to know that no matter what he did or tried, he would never be enough for Rick.

He'd never thought of death so fondly before. Maybe there was an afterlife, and it could only be there that Rick would look at him and smile. The only other place would be in his dreams, his sick fantasies and chasing after a man who did not want him.

His thoughts circled back to that day, and he wished that he could be blind again.

Blind to everyone but Rick.


End file.
